Awakening
by Amber Esme Hermione
Summary: Co-author: Casseia Summary: Tohma leaves a message on their voice mail. Yuki and Shuichi are on their way to find out what's up. But an unexpected event seporates everyone's favorite couple. Now, Eiri must reconcile the possible loss of his lover.
1. Insiting Insident

**A/N from AH: **This is to those who have a problem with me asking for the same recognition that I give when submitting a review. I will not continue to add said request to my reviews; however, I do ask that if you have a problem with my reviews then please send me a PM or sing in to "say it to my face" as it were. I apologize to those who have read this, and it does not apply to them; thank you for your patience. I hope you enjoy this fic.

Chapter 1 of _Awakening_

By: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, it's characters, setting, etc. are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

* * *

The car ride was silent, and neither occupant wanted to break that silence.

Shuichi Shindou kept glancing at the man next to him. It was obvious to anyone that his companion was not in a good mood. The pink haired vocalist of Bad Luck, the hyper talkative brat of Eiri Yuki, and all those other things people expected him to be were not present at the moment. After fidgeting for a while Shuichi contented himself with staring out the window so he wouldn't disturb his lover.

Eiri Yuki drove with his lips clenched around a cigarette and his fists clenched upon the steering wheel. He had noticed all the glances his lover had been giving him. He didn't like making the Baka uncomfortable if he could avoid it, but either that or hurt him worse by venting his frustration on the brat.

They were on their way to dinner with Tohma, Mika, and the members of Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck.

Flashback

"_Eiri-san, Shindou-kun, the members of Bad Luck, and Nittle Grasper are meeting at Jourmon for dinner at 8:30 this evening. We have things to discuss, and I hope you are able to come." _

_The beep sounded to indicate the message was over. With a sigh Eiri reached for the delete button._

"_Hey Yuki, you haven't put up the—Oh! We have messages!" and the vocalist pressed the play button. After listening to the message, "Yuki, Yuki, can we go? Please, Please?" he looked at the novelist with large hopeful eyes. "I bet this has something to do with the new album we're working on together." _

"_No brat I'm not sure it does…" Eiri frowned in thought wondering just what Seguchi wanted with them. He walked away from the phone, and went to re-enter his office. _

"_But, but, Yuki it __has__ to be! What else could Tohma want with us?" The singer stopped his whining for a moment, "No, come on Yuki it's been over two years! They must have gotten used to __us__ by now..."_

_An increasingly annoyed Yuki lent against his office doorframe, "Idiot, if that was the reason why would __both__ bands be there? Look, if it's about work have Hiroshi take you, ok." Again Eiri turned to enter his office._

_Shuichi grabbed his arm stopping him, "But, Tohma wanted __both__ of us there! Yuki how often does he encourage us doing things __together__?" Shuichi crossed his arms in determination. "Yuki, it's important to me that you're there too."_

'And somehow I ended up going with the brat.' Eiri mused as he drove, but he wasn't mad at Shuichi… he really blamed—'Stupid Seguchi! I have a deadline for my novelin a week, and I still can't think of how to…'

"Yuki!!"

Shuichi's voice interrupted the train of Yuki's thoughts, "What?!" he demanded turning to look at his lover. He saw Shuichi looking horrified past him. With a sharp turn of his head Yuki caught sight of another vehicle that would hit them if he didn't do anything. 'Shuichi!' he thought, and spun the wheel in his hands trying to maneuver the car so the passenger side was further from the approaching danger.

With an intake of breath Eiri turned again to Shuichi; their eyes met both wide with fear violet and gold were unable to disconnect. Then everything was light sound and sensation. A great lurch was accompanied by the grinding of metal. Sharp pain went through Eiri's body as he _felt_ his internal organs collide with his skeleton before they jerked back with the recoil. The momentum of the other vehicle kept compressing the Mercedes. Everything was heat, painfully cramped, and then… _nothing_.

Eiri Yuki knew two things; 1. He was not dead because the annoying heart monitor was beeping somewhere near his left side, and 2. He wished he wasn't awake because he felt like _shit_. 'That brat had to drag me along didn't he…' With a grown Eiri managed to open his eyes. The room was dark, and there was no one there, or so it seamed.

"Eiri-san, you're awake."

The gold eyes flicked to the direction of his brother-in-laws voice. He did tried to sit up, but was impeded by the pain coercing through his nervous system. He lent back again and after a moment acknowledged the other's presence, "Tohma…"

The pale man rose from his chair near the foot of the bed. He wore no hat or coat indicating that he had been there for some time. Tohma walked over to stand beside the patient. "Eiri, what do you remember?"

'Something's wrong… without that smile of his I know there must be something.' "Uh, you called while we were out. I listened to the messages, and the brat played them again before I could delete them." The one on the bed turned his head slightly to look out the window, "I didn't want to go, but he convinced me, I went to shut him up. We… we were in an accident."

"What about the accident, Eiri…?" there was a hesitation, a waver in Tohma's voice that caught Eiri off guard.

"Cut the crap" Eiri hissed unable to shout at the moment, "What is it Seguchi?" he growled turning back to face him. "What's happened to the brat?"

"Sind… Shu—"

"No," Eiri barked.

Tohma looked startled, "Have you already guessed? I'm sorry but… Shuich—"

"Don't _you_ _dare_" Eiri tried to sit up again, and the sudden fire in Eiri's eyes made even the great Tohma Seguchi take a step back, "Don't you dare _tell me_ _that he's gone_! Not by name; not when you didn't show him the decency of addressing him _as family_ while he… " Unable to continue, or to bear the spiking pain Eiri clenched his jaw, and turned his face from the other again.

"Eiri… your lover _is_… gone."

'No! No, I refuse to accept that' Eiri thought. Grasping at straws Eiri said, "Why did he leave? Where did he go?" Eiri needed _gone_ to mean anything other than what he feared.

"Eiri," Tohma's voice held a new strength; he always held his own in times of crisis. That had been true from the beginning of their friendship, or whatever it was. "His funeral was yesterday."


	2. Under the sakura trees

Chapter 2 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

Thank you to all our reviewers, and enjoy.

* * *

'Three days, three days without him; without the brat… the Baka… Shuichi… my Shu-chan' 

Eiri had been discharged this morning, and they had all come to see him. Everyone but the only person he wanted to see, to smell, to hear, to hold in his arms if only for a little while.

Flashback

_Eiri stepped out of his hospital room, and was confronted with a mass of people on their way to see him. He frowned as they came to a stop in front of him. Hiroshi Nakano stepped to the front of the group, and spoke to the novelist alone. "It's not your fault."_

_That had surprised him. It had surprised everyone; they had all been standing close in case the guitarist became violent. _

"_It was an accident Yuki-san" was all Hiroshi said. Then he turned and walked out without another word. The others had allowed him to go; everyone stood in silence. Eiri too walked past them, and headed for the front desk to complete his discharge papers._

Now, well at that moment Tohma was driving. Eiri was the one sitting staring out the window. The silence was just as tense, the scene was the same, but again it was completely different _and wrong._

"Do you want me to join you Eiri?"

He hadn't realized they'd stopped; and he looked out at the cemetery. The ground was littered with _cherry blossoms._ Oh, yes it had been that time of year, and Shuichi had been excited to see the trees in bloom.

"_Oh Yuki, you should see it. The cherry blossoms are starting to bloom, and everyone's taking their lunch out to see them. It's so pretty, and I wish we could go out to see them; just you and me."_

Eiri could hear Shuichi in his mind; trying to convince him to see the yearly spectacle; for the two of them to share in it. He looked at Seguchi shaking his head.

"No, I'll go alone" he stepped out of the car and was about to close the door.

"They were at the height of their bloom four days ago" was all Tohma said. His smile was sad, and once again he knew what Eiri was thinking. The writer closed the door to separate them.

Eiri walked along the pink carpeted ground, and the beauty around him drew his eyes all around the quiet cemetery. The sound of the wind rustling the branches; the scent of the flowers so light and sweet; the feel of the fallen petals under his feet; was all paradoxically '_Perfect? Beautiful? _Yes, and the only thing that's wrong is the location…'

He approached the newly disturbed earth in the place where he'd been directed. He looked up and around postponing for a moment the proof he'd needed, and still could not accept. Sunlight radiated from a blue sky warming his face while the wind ruffled his hair and blew his clothes against its force. This spot was situated between two of the bloom-laden trees.

Eiri sat back on his heals, and raised a hand to brush aside the pink flecks that obscured the words.

_**Here Lies Shuichi Shindou**_

_**Our Brightly Shining Star**_

_**December 16, 1986 – April 3, 2008**_

His fingers traced the cold letters as his heart, for the second time, was broken. He was left alone, and as he clenched his fists he felt the sorrow, fear, and … anger close around his heart.

"Why, Shuichi? Why did you have to die and not me… without me… without…" Eiri Yuki lent down upon his knees not caring who saw or what the ground would do to his suit. "That's… that's why… because you were so excited to go somewhere _anywhere_ with me; so excited for _us_ to do something _together…_" The novelist's hands were pressed flat against the headstone as he spoke his voice broke with the tears that he allowed to fall, "I'm here now, and…. I'm only sorry Shuichi… because it took loosing you to see… what I had all along."

The nerves in his skin sent the message of a familiar stimulus; the gentle touch Shuichi often gave him when the singer thought he was sleeping. "Shuichi…." Eiri breathed not wanting to break this moment, this feeling; that they were indeed together sitting under the sakura trees.

"Eiri this wasn't your fault."

The feeling vanished, and Eiri's eyes narrowed into slits. He slowly returned to his feet, and only then did he turn to face Tohma. "This isn't New York Seguchi, I'm not sixteen, and Shuichi Shindou is _not_ Yuki Kitazawa!"

"Eiri I didn't say—"

"You left that message." Eiri grabbed the front of Tohma's shirt and shook him as he spoke, "You're the reason he was so _insistent_ on going. Now, when I tell you I'm going alone you come anyway, and interrupted _my time_ with Shuichi!"

Tohma's eyes grew wide with shock as he was shaken. He knew better than to speak, and just allowed Eiri to vent. When Eiri thrust him against one of the near by trees he managed "…Eiri…."

The man's breathing was heavy, but something changed in his golden eyes. His grip slackened on the other's clothes, but he did not release him. Lowering his head as a look of pain marred his features, "Answer just one question. Why did you want to see us?"

Tohma's face relaxed slightly, "It was to announce the new project Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck were to be doing together. We wanted you to be a part of it because the album would be dedicated to you, and Mika, and Tatsuha, and Ayaka, and Maiko Shindou. It was to be dedicated to the ones the two bands hold most dear."

Eiri lowered his hand, and walked back to the car. After a moment Tohma followed him. Not a word was spoken as the President of NG drove the famous novelist Eiri Yuki home. They were once again who the world saw them as, and not the brothers that they were.


	3. Tributes and Karaoke

Chapter 3 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

* * *

Eiri opened his eyes and groaned. He put his arm across his face to block out the light streaming in from the windows in the living room. With a sigh he sat up on the couch and Shuichi's green blanket slid to the floor. Eiri's eyes clouded for a moment before he lifted it into his hands, and held it to him allowing the ghost of Shuichi's scent which still clung to the fibers to enter his nostrils.

He got up and went into the kitchen. Nothing had been disturbed accept the coffeemaker, and a mug he used on a daily basis. 'You got me that for Christmas the year we met' the mug read in large black lettering "**I HAVEN'T HAD ANY COFFEE:**" and on the other side it said,"**WHAT? I'M ALWAYS THIS GRUMPY**" he chuckled as he prepared to fix some coffee.

He was about to pour the hot liquid into his mug when he heard it… _singing?_ Eiri frowned leaving the kitchen. 'Could this have all been a dream? Shuichi… if you're there I'm going to—'

He opens the door to the bathroom to discover… his Shuichi… standing there having just emerged from the shower. He stepped into the room reaching for him to make sure that this was real. 'It has to be' he told himself.

_He could see him_; the beads of moisture from the shower still clinging and sliding down his skin. The look of surprise in his big expressive violet eyes, and the blush that crept to his cheeks was as always so cute.

_He could smell him_; the strawberry shampoo he always used. The scent of warm skin mingled with the smell of soap and water from the shower.

_He could hear him_; asking "Yuki? Yuki, are you ok?" his voice held concern, but mostly there was the questioning tone he always gave when Eiri showed him affection; it still was a surprise to him.

What Eiri needed was to _hold him_ and _taste him_ to know that he was there. He paused looking into those violet eyes almost afraid to touch him. Shuichi moved first; he grasped Eiri's collar and shook him slightly.

"Hey, Aniki wake up!"

Eiri opened his eyes; it was his brother shaking him. Tatsuha stood over him in the living room. "Tatsuha…? What the hell are you ding in _my_ house?!"

Tatsuha whined, "Oh, come on can't I just come by to see my big bro?"

"No," after a moment, "Did Mika put you up to this?"

"No, she and Tohma are giving you your space."

"Good so you go on and do the same."

"Nope," said the younger brother as he plopped down on the couch. After a moment of silence Tatsuha asked, "Aniki?"

"What"

"Who did you think I was? When I woke you up I mean?"

"No one, I was just having a good dream." Eiri was not meeting his brother's gaze, and instantly Tatsuha understood.

"So… it was Shuichi then. You wanna talk about it?"

"Nope," The two sat in silence for a time, "I'm just so used to playing god I guess…" it was so quiet Tatsuha could hardly hear him.

"What do you mean?"

"Writers play god. We decide what happens to our characters… what challenges they face… and how it all ends up. I just feel… so out of control. I can't hit delete and rewrite this page of my life; no matter how much I want to do so."

They both fell into silence for a time. Tatsuha tried desperately to come up with something to say. Eventually he decided to tell his brother why he'd come. He stood up, "Ok bro, you need to get ready. Because we're going out, and we're already late."

"I didn't agree to…"

"I knew you wouldn't so I planned ahead. Now come on let's find you some clean clothes." Tatsuha hauled Eiri to his feet, and pulled him into the bedroom.

Tatsuha paused seeing the bed was made and Shuichi's things were still where they'd been thrown the morning before the accident. He turned and looked at his brother before avoiding the items around the room, and entering the closet.

Fifteen minutes later the two brothers walked into a local karaoke bar. "Hey Tats-chan!" Ryuichi Sakuma came out of nowhere attaching himself to Tatsuha. "Come on we're sitting over here!" He started to pull Tatsuha away.

"Just a moment Sakuma-san I need a word with my _dear brother_." Eiri said this calmly, and Ryu let go of Tatsuha's arm.

"Ok Yuki-san I'll see you soon Tats-kun!" and with a wave he departed. Golden eyes followed him until he took a seat.

"Tatsuha, you didn't tell me they were all going to be here." The novelist's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms glaring at his younger brother.

With a grin Tats replied, "You didn't ask. Now come on you needed to get out of the house anyway."

"No, I'm going home" Eiri turned to do just that, but was met with a revolver pointed right between his eyes.

"Now what was that Mr. Eiri Yuki? You wouldn't be planning on skipping out on us would you?" K's blue eyes held a mischievous gleam as he cocked his pistol.

"I was planning on it," Eiri didn't gage himself suicidal yet so he added, "but I think I've changed my mind."

"That's what I wanted to hear!" said the crazy American as he pulled back the weapon, and guided Eiri over to the table.

As they approached Eiri saw Hiroshi Nakano and Fujisaki Suguru having a heated discussion, "Look, I don't want to blame him, but I have to blame someone…"

"Please, at least try to be civil to him. Remember you _both_ lost him." and the keyboardist got up as K shoved Eiri down into the seat next to him. "K how about we go get drinks for everyone" He gave the manager a look and they left.

Now the only people at the table were Eiri and Hiroshi. Ryuichi had pulled Tatsuha away to go look into the karaoke. Hiro looked over at the novelist who sat passively staring off into space.

"You don't seam very broken up."

"Excuse me?" Eiri turned to look at the man a seat away.

Hiroshi gritted his teeth, "If it was Shuichi sitting here he'd be crying his eyes out over you. You always hurt him, but he still loved you, and now he hasn't even been buried for two weeks and you're already out enjoying yourself."

"Nakano, do I honestly _look_ like I'm enjoying myself? I shed my tears in private, and don't make a public display of my grief, and for your information my _brother_ drug me out here tonight."

K and Fujisaki returned at that moment. "One Smokey Martini" said K as he placed the glass before Eiri "I figured you could use it." He muttered as he moved to the next drink.

K smirked, "Your Cucumber Martini Suguru-san" said their manager with a mock bow, "a very refined drink."

"Girly is more like it" said Tatsuha as he slid into the seat across from the irritated keyboardist. "So, who else ordered Sake?" He asked looking at the others. Hiro gave a nod not taking his eyes off the novelist as Eiri began to drink his martini.

"Did you get my strawberry vodka?" asked Ryu as he arrived at the table; he took the nearest chair he saw to Tatsuha which put him right next to Eiri at the small circular table. He took the drink handed him and began to sip it.

"So where is that dumb rabbit of yours anyway?"

He looked over to his right at the blond, "Wha—oh! You mean Kuma!"

"Yeah, so where's the dumb thing?"

"He's with Shu-chan now" said the vocalist with a sad smile.

"We left some things at the gravesite when we went this morning." Fujisaki explained quietly to Yuki. The writer nodded his acknowledgment to the keyboardist.

"Ryu-chan you don't usually get _strawberry_" said the dark haired brother as he pulled a face.

"I know," he became serious for a moment, "This is for Shu-chan too."

"This—is m—y tib—ut to She—dou of Bad Luck!" called a man up on stage. He was obviously inebriated, as he continued, "That… fag did us a favor!!" He laughed and swayed holding the microphone "by… geten… him-self killed"

Everyone at the table looked at Yuki. His eyes were ablaze with cold fire as he stood; perfectly prepared to kick this guy's ass. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned.

"It—won't—stop—any—where" slurred the drunken man, "Ignore—the—un—ful—filled—emo—tions…"

"Ryuichi?" asked K just as he had done at Shuichi's first concert.

"I'll handle this…"and the vocalist of Nittle Grasper filled his lungs "With a frightened look in my eyes / I take my impatience / and I toss it to the capricious winds—"

Eiri watched, remembering that first concert, and how Shuichi had frozen at the sight of him. A single tear made its way down his cheek where it dropped from his jaw into the glass.

Hiroshi Nakano watched all this with an unreadable expression on his face. No one else noticed the novelist as they were so caught up in Ryuichi's singing. In fact Tatsuha was so enthralled that he hoped up onto the stage, and began to sing with his lover.

"Hi everyone, it's Ryu! Thanks for listening!" The song had ended, and the music idol had still not left the stage. "Now for one more song... My friend here has a great voice and I really want you to hear it… please come join me Yuki-san."

The others at the table looked at him, they were shocked, but no one was more so than Eiri Yuki.


	4. Emotional Damage

Chapter 4 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

A/N From AH: After receiving some reviews I feel the need to clarify that Tohma was not responsible for, a participant in, or in fact anywhere near the accident. It will be made clear in further chapters where he, and everyone else were at the time of the accident.

(For further author's notes see Casseia's review)

* * *

Tohma Seguchi sat in his office at NG, and his forehead rested against his interlaced fingers while his elbows sat upon the polished wood. His phone began to ring, and he ignored it. 

After a pause the sound repeated, and he glanced over at the caller I.D. "K-san". With a frown he picked up the receiver.

"Seguchi," after a pause he inhaled sharply, "Which way was Eiri headed?" asked he was immediately alert. "Yes, thank you, I will handle it from here." With that Tohma got to his feet and strode out of his office silhouetted against the orange hues of the sun setting over the Tokyo skyline.

The screech of tires filled Eiri's ears, and as he watched the headlights drawing nearer, he remembered Shuichi. He remembered the day he'd nearly flattened the little idiot the second time they'd crossed paths. He wondered what Shuichi had thought in those moments; 'What if I hadn't stopped then? ' and after a moment other "what ifs" entered his mind 'What if I had done something to avoid the car? What if Shuichi had not died, but was flung free of the vehicle and missed by paramedics? What if—'

A car stopped beside him, "Eiri-san… please, allow me to give you a ride."

Eiri turned quickly unsurprised to see his brother-in-law. 'He may have the answers I need', and that was the only reason Eiri stepped into the car.

"Do you wish to return to your apartment?"

"Yes," but after a moment Eiri changed his mind, "No… I need to see the Mercedes. I need to know what happened."

Tohma frowned for a moment, "I don't know…"

Eiri turned to look at him, "Seguchi… Tohma I need to know why—to know how—I feel like Shuichi should still be alive…" Eiri felt frustration building inside of him, "I tried to protect him" Eiri Yuki's voice dropped to a whisper as he stared off into space.

"I know how you feel. Helplessness is the worst feeling… No, worse is knowing that you did all you could for the one you care for… only to find that it wasn't enough." After a pause Tohma added, "I'll take you to see the car."

For the first time in a while Eiri felt that he could understand what his brother-in-law meant. 'I know exactly how he feels, and I don't know how he keeps that smile on his face'

But at that moment Tohma Seguchi was the closest to tears that he had been in a _very long time._

It had taken twenty minutes for the owner to allow them access to Eiri's Mercedes, and Tohma was still filling out paperwork. One of the employees was escorting Eiri to the vehicle in question.

"It got hit pretty hard, man. You think the driver was drunk?" laughed the man who was walking ahead of him.

Eiri did not respond, but the muscle in his jaw tightened; he was becoming increasingly irritated with this young man.

"I mean; come on he must have run a red-light for both sides to be caved in like that."

'Both sides?' Eiri listened intently now.

But they had reached the car, "See you man!" called his escort as he walked away.

"Shuichi…" Eiri whispered as he walked around the car observing the damage; both from the accident and the teams who had extracted him and Shuichi from the wreckage. "I thought I swerved… I tried to protect you from that car."

Eiri's hand ran along the twisted metal. Images of Shuichi passed before his eyes. Shuichi in that rain drenched street…. Shuichi calling his name as the car sped toward them… violet eyes widened in fear…

"Eiri?" asked Tohma gently, "This was recovered from the car." He passed Eiri an envelope, "I do not know what is inside."

Eiri was grateful for the interruption this time. He took the yellow envelope into his hands, and felt the weight of a familiar object. He lifted the tabs securing the top, and reached within.

The cool surface of his lighter met his skin as he withdrew it. Turning it over in his palm he could still make out the picture on it. After the normal wear it went through plus the accident; it was a surprise that it still remained.

"Tohma I turned… he was the first thing I thought of…"

Tohma stepped over to Eiri folding the novelist's fingers around the lighter, "You did Eiri. You just didn't see the other car." Tohma turned taking a few steps away he surveyed the physical damage of the totaled Mercedes knowing that the emotional damage would be harder to repair.

"Tell me again what happened. I'm not sure I fully understand." The sleepy voice issued from the phone.

"They drug me up on stage, and Sakuma-san went over to the karaoke machine. The next thing I knew he began to sing _that song_—" Eiri lent back on the couch with his phone in hand. It was two o'clock in the morning, but he didn't really care.

"Which song Uesugi-san?" asked Eiri's psychiatrist through the phone.

"The song Shu was writing when we first met." Eiri was staring up at the ceiling of his living room. He closed his eyes and remembered that time. The paper had blown right to his feet. The words return to him again…

_Amidst a noisy crowd of people the murmured words melt away illuminate me on the verge of freezing_

_Time brings dreams from the skies counting my wishes when I wake up you are there in the wavering vision a faint silhouette._

_Amidst the noisy crowd the melting whisper I'm freezing and it illuminates me._

_Time rains dreams counting my wishes._

"Alright, continue" prompted the psychiatrist with a sigh.

"We sang it, I knew the words; I don't know how many times I've tried to forget them… What I remembered at that moment; I feel that it was stronger than a memory. It was like that dream…"

"The one your brother woke you from?" she had heard all this before…

"Yes, Everything… each memory that unfurled in my mind, each sense that swept over me; it was all so overwhelming."

"What exactly were you feeling Uesugi-san?" she stifled a yawn.

"I could feel his hand in mine… I could smell the scent that is uniquely him; a mix of poky, perspiration, and shampoo… I had felt so alone in that bar, so out of place, and it was as if by standing on that stage—"

"You felt closer to him." He nodded, but remembered she couldn't see him. She continued, "It is perfectly natural to feel such emotions. You are grieving Uesugi-san, and remember that it is a process. Your body may have recovered from that car accident, but your heart and mind have not. You must give yourself time. Remember the past, but don't let it rule your future. Shindou-san was and is an important part of your life, but you must continue to live." She paused for breath.

"Is that it?" a harsh tone had entered his voice; he was not paying her to tell him what he already knew.

"If you wish to discuss this further I am free tomorrow at.—"

"Thanks," Eiri interrupted hanging up the phone. Sitting up Eiri tossed the phone sending it sliding across the hardwood floor. Next he grabbed the remote, an ashtray, and some mange-novel of Shuichi's; each object finding its way to the opposite wall.

Next his hand closed over… Eiri paused lifting the lighter from the coffee-table. He looked at it again, and tightened his grip upon the familiar object.

Suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion Eiri lent back on the couch once more with the lighter still in hand. Tiredly Eiri reached up placing it above his head on the armrest of the couch. With a sigh he turned over allowing sleep to claim him; returning him to the one place where his world was right again—his dreams.


	5. Dreams are gone

Chapter 5 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

A/N from AH: I love "Dreaming with a Broken Heart" by John Mayer. It's actually mine and Casseia's song... kind of sad if you think about it. Oh well we love it anyways. It just fits here so well that I had to put it in somewhere; the song just speaks of heartache and the desperation of grief.

(for further author's notes see Casseia's review)

* * *

Eiri awoke and turned over, in doing so he jostled the cushions, and a hard object fell onto his head. Still half asleep Eiri grumbled, "Damn it Shu…" and fished around for the object behind his head. 

'There it is!' he thought grabbing his lighter from the crease in the couch. He looked at the lighter again, and its scratched appearance reminded Eiri of what had happened. He sat up and looked down at the image. Shuichi had been so happy that day, and everything had seamed so perfect…

"When did I become so dependent on him?" Eiri asked aloud.

"I'd say when the kid kept coming back no matter what you did. He loved you very much Eiri" Mika had slipped quietly into the apartment, and now stood near the couch. She took a seat beside him reaching out a hand to hold his.

"I didn't deserve him… I _don't_ deserve him" Eiri squeezed his sister's hand annoyed that he'd used the past tense. "I could never show him how I really felt…" a sigh escaped his lips, and his eyes closed.

Mika took a chance, and pulled him closer into an embrace. When he lent his head on her chest she continued, "Eiri you did. You showed him in the ways you knew how; he understood that. I think he knew you better than even Tohma does."

"Hmm… don't let him hear you say that" Eiri sounded slightly amused.

"Believe me I won't" she said running her fingers through his blond locks as she'd done when he was younger, "I'm grateful to Shuichi for what he did…"

"And what was that?"

"For bringing you back to us." Mika sighed "None of us could reach you Eiri… we all tried… me, Tohma, even Tatsuha. That's why I came to see you because he saved you once." Her voice broke, "And Damn it Eiri! I'm not loosing you again…" A sob escaped the eldest Uesugi as she hugged her brother tightly.

Eiri pulled away, and then wrapped his arms around her quivering form, "Mika… Shh… Miks it's OK." He rubbed her back soothingly "I'm right here."

"Say it again"

"What?" he asked gently.

"What you called me."

"OK, Miks… now stop crying you're ruining my shirt." They both smiled again, and Mika wiped her eyes.

"and here I was trying to comfort you."

"You did," he brushed some hair from her face, "you reminded me that you all still care." When she smiled he added, "As annoying, pushy, and nosy as you are."

She hit him, "Jerk!" but they both knew she didn't mean it. Mika got up to leave, "Eiri, you should go see him again. Everyone loved that kid of yours…" she walked towards the door, "but he loved you most of all" and she left closing the door behind her.

A few moments after Mika had left the phone began to ring. 'What now?' Eiri thought as he stood to go answer it. A frown crossed his face for a moment as he did not find it on the base, and then he remembered last night.

"Eiri Yuki" he answered after picking it up off the floor.

"Well who else would it be?" asked a familiar voice. "How are you doing this morning?"

"Mizuki" she hadn't intended it but she'd reminded him that people wouldn't be calling for Shuichi anymore, and so it wasn't important that he state whom he was.

"Mr. Yuki… I hate to be nagging so soon…"

"What is it?"

"The chief editor is getting on my case about a new book. He says… that you need to be active in the public eye."

"Fine"

"I'm sorry…"

"No," his voice had grown cold. "They want a book; they'll get one." He wasn't angry with her, but that the company would already be hounding him for a book; that they were trying to use what happened to their advantage.

Eiri replaced the phone on the charger, and walked into his study. He had not been in there since the accident; Shuichi's chair still sat beside his desk, and he didn't bother to move it now. He picked up his reading glasses from beside his laptop as he sat down.

"Damn it!" Eiri muttered in frustration five minutes later. Somehow his nearly completed manuscript had disappeared. With a sigh he opened a new document and began to type… after a few moments of this he looked over at the vacancy next to him. Removing his reading glasses Eiri lent back for a moment thinking.

When he sat forward and peered at the screen he stared in disbelief. "I miss him; I miss Shuichi" was repeated for about three pages… that was all he could write; it was all he could think about, and that was scaring him.

A sound from another part of the house startled him from his staring contest with his screen. Eiri slid back his chair and headed back out into the main part of the apartment.

It was the sound of the key in the lock… He rushed to the door swinging it open, but found no one there.

Next he heard someone or something in the kitchen. 'Probably just Seguchi…' Eiri thought "What the hell are yo—," again no one was there.

'OK, so maybe I'm hearing things…' Eiri thought leaning against the counter he put his head in his hands, "Damn Brat I'm losing it without you."

The sound of water running in the shower, and another thought came to Eiri, 'what if I'm dreaming again? Not that that's any better; I can never reach him… before I do I wake up.' Eiri went to the bathroom and indeed the water was running, but there was no Shuichi, and he surely hadn't left it on.

He backed out of the room, and jumped when he bumped into the opposite wall, "I've got to get out of here; I'm really cracking up."

Now Eiri was driving his Cabriolet, and the silence was still plaguing him. He kept glancing over at the passenger seat as if expecting to see Shuichi sitting there staring out the window again.

'I've got to stop thinking like that!' Eiri chastised himself as he continued to drive, 'but it's hard… because I still don't _feel_ that he's gone…', and Eiri did what Shuichi would have done in that situation;

He turned on the radio… An unfamiliar but poignant song was playing.

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The waking up is the hardest part  
_

Eiri listened as the song began letting the sound of the piano carry the weight of the song, and of his own emotions.

_You roll outta bed and down on your knees  
And for the moment you can hardly breathe  
_

'I know that feeling all too well… Its there every morning…'

_Wondering was she really here?  
Is she standing in my room?  
_

Eiri took a breath realizing just how much this song showed his own state of mind. 'just change the 'she' to 'he' and it works perfectly'

_No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...  
_

It was cliché but as the instrumental portion progressed Eiri saw his memories, and his dreams for the past few nights play in the back of his mind. He was just driving with no apparent destination; that was his life without Shu making him think about another's well being.

_  
When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The giving up is the hardest part  
_

'I just don't feel that he's gone…'

_She takes you in with your crying eyes  
Then all at once you have to say goodbye  
_

'What I wouldn't give to hear even your tears again Shuichi…'

_Wondering could you stay my love?  
Will you wake up by my side?  
_

'so I could hold you in my arms, and tell you its alright'

_No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...  
_

Eiri stopped the car and found himself again at the cemetery. He sat allowing the song to finish before he turned off the engine. He closed his eyes allowing the music to wash over him.

Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand  
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?  


'If I thought it would help…' Eiri listened to the repeated words, and recognized the desperation the roses symbolized… 'but I do the same thing… with the lighter, his blanket, his pillow…'

_Would you get them if I did?  
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...  
_

'Even if you can't have them… in some way I have you while I have them.' Eiri opened his eyes "or have I really lost you?"

_  
When you're dreaming with a broken heart  
The waking up is the hardest part_

No tears came as Eiri turned off the car. He was spent… emotionally and physically. The hardest part was waking to the idea that his lover might actually be gone…


	6. A faint silhouette

Chapter 6 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

A/N from AH: If you're still here reading this story please leave a review. We want to know what you think. I did my best so this chapter wouldn't be confusing… so let me know if it works. Enjoy!

(For further author's notes see Casseia's review)

* * *

Hiroshi Nakano stood unnoticed near the grave of his best friend and former band mate Shuichi Shindou. He was watching Eiri Yuki who was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest leaning against a sakura tree. Hiro frowned as he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He stepped away so it wouldn't disturb the quiet graveyard. 

"Brat that song is still crap, and you do still have zero talent," Eiri paused as he looked out at the late afternoon landscape, "but it makes more since to me now…" Eiri could see Shuichi's messy handwriting sprawled across the page in his mind.

_Amidst a noisy crowd of people the murmured words melt away illuminate me on the verge of freezing_

'No matter where I am, or who I'm with, I feel so alone. Shuichi… I don't want to become who I was before; you are the only thing that can stop that from happening.'

_Time brings dreams from the skies counting my wishes when I wake up you are there in the wavering vision a faint silhouette._

'I can't… function without you. When I'm asleep you're right there, but I can never reach you. When I'm awake you're gone, but I can feel you with me. It's just so damn confusing…' Eiri rested his head on his knees feeling absolutely defeated.

_Amidst the noisy crowd the melting whisper I'm freezing and it illuminates me._

_Time rains dreams counting my wishes._

'I'm losing myself Shuichi… I'm losing who you helped me to become. You are the only person that can save me; again—'instead of the reassurance he expected to receive from Shuichi's spirit or whatever he realized.

"I'm… _alone_" Shuichi's absence suddenly emptying him; there was a void that had not existed before.

Eiri looked at the clock on his dash as he pulled into his apartment complex; it read 9:30p.m. He sighed; his senses were already dulled by the alcohol he'd consumed that evening to dull his pain. He reached for a plastic bag and other items beside him on the seat, and stepped out of his car.

[_Graveyard: 4:30p.m._

_I looked up when I heard a sound near by. To my surprise I saw a figure retreating quickly from the heavily adorned grave in front of me. This person looked surprisingly familiar; in particular I noticed short bright pink hair… I got up to follow, but when I looked again the figure had gone._

_I walked over to look down at the grave. The inscription told me that Shuichi was there. The gifts from family, friends, and fans told me the same. I had even begun to believe that he was truly there, but what was I supposed to believe now?_

_After a time I removed the damaged object; it was the only item I had that held any value between the two of us. I placed it directly in front of the marker, and stepped back looking at one of the only pictures I had. A part of me died when I left the lighter behind, but it was the best I could offer him._

[Apartment Building: 9:32p.m.

Eiri sighed as he entered the building. He walked to the elevator, and repositioned the items in his hands, to press the button. Everything was just so complicated… He did not feel the presence that had sustained his faith in the fact that Shuichi was not gone; he felt so empty despite the amount of alcohol he had already consumed.

_[Hole In The Wall Stir-Fry Place: 7:46p.m._

_I was in line waiting when a patch of pink caught my eye. I thought it was nothing at first; I had spent the last few hours "drowning my sorrows" after all. Well, there was the person from earlier; on their way out. Someone from behind told me to move, and again that figure vanished when I turned for a second look._

_I decided I needed to eat, and so I did not chase them. I had no idea where they were headed, or even if I was really seeing them in the first place. After actually enjoying my meal I realized that not only was I out of cigarettes, but they wouldn't have done me any good without a lighter._

[Elevator: 9:37p.m.

The elevator arrived and Eiri stepped in pressing the button for the appropriate floor. He leant back on the wall resting his head; he really didn't care about any of it anymore. Nothing else mattered.

The wait wasn't very long. Soon the elevator came to a halt and after another pause the doors opened onto his floor. Eiri exited the elevator and turned to continue down the hall.

_[Convenience Store: 8:20p.m._

_I had waited until I got to the store Shu and I had frequented over the last couple of years. When I walked in the owner knew me, not just as the famous novelist Eiri Yuki, but as his loyal customer Eiri Uesugi. He got my usual order of a carton of cigarettes and a 12 pack of beer. I walked up to the counter._

"_Double that will you."_

"_Are you sure Eiri-san?" _

"_Yes, and add a new lighter." _

_With a frown he nodded, and complied. I paid the bill, and he handed me the new lighter. "Take care of yourself Eiri-san."_

_I was headed out with my purchases, and passed a person entering. I turned realizing after they'd passed that it was the same person from before. It took a moment for me to decide what I should do._

[At The Door: 9:41p.m.

Eiri walked up to the door, and put down the boxes and plastic bag in his hands. With a sigh he fumbled in his coat pocket for his keys. After a moment he managed to find the one he was looking for. Inserting it into the lock after a couple of failed attempts he unlocked it.

_[On The Sidewalk: 8:34p.m._

_I decided to wait for the person to exit before I confronted them. Weather it was Shuichi or not I needed to know; I needed to know if I was losing my mind. Sure enough a moment later the door opened, and I reached out for the elusive pink haired stranger…_

[In The Doorway: 9:42p.m.

The door swung open, and what Eiri saw shocked him, "What the hell is going on here?"


	7. Taken

Chapter 7 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

(See Casseia's review)

* * *

"Oh Hi, Yuki-san! Tohma said this will help you be happy again!" Ryuichi Sakuma bounced away from the door as he carried some of Shuichi's belongings. Not only was the vocalist of Nittle Grasper removing his lover's things from the apartment, but K, Sakano, and Fujisaki were doing the same.

Eiri stepped into the main room, "Tohma said that, huh?" He held the door wide, "Well Yuki says get _the hell out_ of here."

"But Mr. Yuki, President Seguchi said—" Sakano froze when Eiri glared at him.

"I don't give a damn what Seguchi told you! Where is he, and why isn't he here with you?" Eiri turned his glare upon the other two.

Fujisaki gulped, "My cousin is out looking for you Yuki-san." The keyboardist then put down the things he'd been carrying and left without another word.

"We'll just… finish up here, and—" Sakano reached for the things Fujisaki had left behind. K frowned, but lifted one of the remaining garbage bags into his hands.

"Don't." The word was neither a plea, nor request, it was a command. Both manager and producer put down their burdens and exited without complaint. Eiri turned to Ryuichi who still stood in the room. Eiri did not shout, or command that the singer leave; he just gathered up his previously forgotten purchases, and walked into the kitchen.

Ryu paused hearing a sound from the other room. It was not a sob, or a shout, but a frustrated desperate cry. The childish demeanor changed, and the man became his serious adult-self in a moment.

Eiri did not expect the embrace; he hated himself for thinking just how like Shuichi the other vocalist was. "What happened to upset you, Yuki?" He even spoke to him in a similar way.

The novelist did not know what made him speak; perhaps it was the level of intoxication; perhaps it was his desperation to tell someone; perhaps it was because he felt almost like he was speaking to Shuichi, "It wasn't him."

After a pause Ryuichi pulled away from the embrace to look up at Yuki. He knew at once who the other was talking about. "Who wasn't Shuichi?" Now the vocalist had guided Yuki over to a seat at the table. "Where did you think you saw him?"

"I thought I saw him outside the store I went to… No, before that at the cemetery, and again at mine and Shu's favorite Stir-fry place… I've been seeing that person everywhere."

Flashback

"_Shu-chan…" Eiri placed a hand on the pink-haired figure's shoulder. The other turned. Dark brown eyes met golden, and instantly Eiri knew this was not his Shuichi._

"_You honor me Yuki-sama. I am sorry if I disturbed you earlier at the gravesite; it was not my intention to interfere in your time with Shuichi-kun." The girl lowered her head in apology. _

"_No, there is no need to apologize." He tried to mask the disappointment in his voice, but it did not work. "You look a lot like him, and it was wishful thinking on my part." Eiri turned his head in the direction of his car._

"_You wish to return home." The girl held out her hand unable to completely suppress her excitement at actually meeting him. "My name is Airi, and it was a pleasure to meet you Yuki-samma."_

"_I can't honestly say that it is the same for me." A sad smile found its way to Eiri's lips as he turned to leave._

"_I wish, for your sake, that it had been him," and when he reached his car and looked up she had already disappeared into the colorful stream of motion that embodied the sidewalks of Tokyo._

Eiri had no more words; he simply looked up at his listener. Ryuichi didn't speak, but wrapped his arms around Eiri again for a moment before leaving the room. He let himself out of the apartment; Eiri was once again alone with only his thoughts and the silence.

The apartment… it was no longer _his apartment_; that had changed when he could no longer call it home. 'Shuichi was home… is home' Eiri sighed walking through the house.

In the study: Shuichi's chair was gone, the cup that he had filled with pocky in place of writing implements, and the one photo they'd taken on their _anniversary_ the previous year. These things had all been removed, and where they were now was a mystery.

In the bedroom: Everything had been changed; the sheets, and the bed had been turned down. The random articles of clothing Shuichi had tossed on the floor had been taken away. The various chargers and electronic devices had been unplugged, and the drawers Shuichi had occupied lay empty and open.

Nothing remained to show that Eiri had ever opened his home or his heart to anyone. The writer slumped onto the couch, and reached almost instinctively for the green blanket, but that too had been taken from him. "Damn it Seguchi!"

Eiri glanced up at the TV which had been playing muted in the background when he noticed 'the anniversary picture' on the screen. He grabbed the remote turning up the volume.

"… _does this say about Tokyo's most controversial couple? Sources say that this picture of the "happy couple" was removed from Yuki-san's residence earlier today. Is the writer moving on, or has he already found another?_"

"_You can't forget the reports that Yuki-san was intoxicated at the time of the incident. According to certain sources Yuki's Mercedes was impacted on both sides. It is only speculation, but he appears to have disregarded a traffic signal putting his life, and that of Shindou-san at risk._"

Eiri glared at the unseeing news anchors, and gritted his teeth. 'I would never drive Shuichi while drinking! I would never put his life in danger! Who let's this crap get aired…?' And it hit him, "Seguchi… you shouldn't have let this one get out." Eiri looked down at the unopened can of beer in his hand, "I wasn't drinking that day, but if that's what you want." "_Pst! Fizz…" _Eiri lifted the can to his lips, 'Who am I to contradict."

Tatsuha Uesugi was pissed as he entered his brother-in-law's office. "Ryuichi told me what you did." He spoke calmly crossing his arms as the blond turned away from the window to look at him.

"Tatsuha, what do you want?" The smile was absent, and a weary expression was in its place.

"That was incredibly stupid of you. I even had the common since to leave him with his memories. That stuff was all he had left, and you took that away from him, you took Shuichi away from Eiri."

"I do not have time to explain myself to you Tatsuha." Seguchi pressed his fingers to his temples, "There is a pressing issue that requires my immediate attention." He turned from the young man who was shaking with suppressed anger.

"By _issue_ do you mean the media getting their hands on the _one picture_ my brother has; no,I mean _had_ of him and Shuichi?"

"No," said Tohma, "I mean the accusations associated with that particular broadcast. The accusation that Eiri would intentionally put his own life or Shindou's at risk."

"I don't understand you Tohma…" a voice said from the door. "You know as well as I do that the kid—that Shuichi did what none of us could." Mika walked into the office, "That little hyperactive, pink-haired, kid; he did what you could not."

Tohma looked up at his wife, "And what did Shindou do?"

"He brought Eiri out of his past." She stared into her husband's eyes, "Now I'm going to take Shuichi's stuff back to him, and you're not stopping me. He still needs him, and that's the best any of us can do." She left the room and both men watched her go in stunned silence.

Mika tried to focus on the most important items, but with some of it she didn't know. "Kid I could really use your help…" she whispered looking at the items strewn across the conference table in Bad Luck's old conference room.

"I'd take the blanket, that old pillow, the mug over there, and the replica of Kumagrou" Hiroshi Nakano; the next best person to have other than Shuichi himself stood in the doorway. "I can help if you want Mrs. Seguchi."

"Mika's fine, and thank you."

It was close to 2 in the morning when Mika Uesugi-Seguchi and Hiroshi Nakano arrived at Eiri's apartment complex. The two each grabbed a box, and headed for the elevator.

"I didn't mean to drag you along…"

"No, it's alright Mika-san…I'm here for Shuichi."

The two arrived on Eiri's floor and walked through the dimly lit hall. "In some ways I feel responsible…" Hiro sighed as he reached to knock.

"How so?" asked Mika repositioning the box in her arms.

There was no response from the opposite side of the door. Hiro sighed and tried again.

"They told me what they were doing, but I didn't try to stop them."

"Do you think you could have stopped them?" Mika asked stepping closer to the door, and banging loudly, "Eiri! Open up."

"No probably no—" There was a dull thud from inside. The two looked suddenly fearful, "What?"

Mika dropped her box and began to pound on the door, "Eiri! Eiri! Open this door!" After all that had happened she was about to snap.

"Mika, you do have a key don't you?" She stopped and nodded rummaging in her purse for it. Her hands were shaking, "Here, I'll do it." Hiro; the best friend, the comforter, and protector took the key from her hands and inserted it into the lock.

The door swung open. The apartment was dark, but in the light from the balcony windows shapes were visible. Hiro and Mika left the boxes in the hall as they rushed over to the motionless figure on the floor.


	8. SelfInflicted

Chapter 8 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

A/N from AH: Enjoy this chapter, and expect many surprises ahead to come for Eiri. Things are about to change drastically for him.

(See Casseia's Review)

* * *

They found him sprawled on the floor. In the darkness it was hard to tell if he was even breathing. Hiro turned Eiri over, and pulled him up into a sitting position as Mika began to shake her brother. Gradually golden eyes slit open and focused on the two supporting him. 

"Get off me" he shoved at them. Mika went backward and dislodged some empty beer cans which scattered across the floor.

Hiro frowned counting approximately eight empty cans now strewn across the room. "Yuki, what have you been doing?"

"I was trying to answer the door. The brat forgot his key again."

Mika and Hiro exchanged looks of pity for the wreck that lay in front of them. "Yuki, Shuichi wasn't at the door." Hiro had adopted the gentle voice he often used when speaking to his best friend when he was feeling particularly down, "It was your sister and me Hiro."

At the mention of his sister the writer's eyes flashed, His frightening appearance reflected his state of mind; his white shirt was wrinkled and partially undone; the collar askew on his neck; his hair was tousled and hung limply over his face.

"Out Mika!" he gestured violently at the door. "You've done enough for today." Mika looked confused and slightly hurt as she tried to help him to his feet. "No!" even in his weakened state he shoved his sister off. "You got me out of the way."

"Eiri, what are—"

"You know _exactly_what I'm talking about. YOU came over; YOU acted all concerned; YOU suggested I go see Shu, and YOU practically drove me insane today with everything in the house—"

"I—I didn't… Eiri" 

Yuki pulled himself up into a kneeling position, "Yes you did; you got me out of the way so _your dear Tohma_ could send in his little clean up crew! You pretended to understand how I felt; you never cared for Shuichi so why start now." The anger coming off the writer was tangible. 

Mika had been on the verge of losing her composure at the door, but now she couldn't take it anymore. Taking in a shaking breath she held back her tears, and turned to leave the apartment.

"Mika! Mika-san! Please don't." Hiro reached to stop her, but she pulled free of him and left. Hiro grimaced as he heard the sob escape her as she fled.

"You cold-hearted bastard" Hiro turned to look at Eiri who was now leaning against the couch.

"Humph…" a half finished beer was brought to his lips and drained.

Hiro crossed the room as the novelist opened another. The can had not made it to Eiri's lips before it was knocked out of his hand. "You don't deserve the family you have; just like you didn't deserve Shuichi." He hadn't meant to say it, but in his anger Hiro had slipped.

"Shut up." Eiri glared up at the best friend he'd seen as a rival for two years. They always seamed to be competing for Shuichi's attention, and now that registered first in his drunken mind. "If you want a family that looks out for their-selves, but shoves their noses into your life ruining it, and for nothing more than their own image as the_caring sister_ and the _protective brother-in-law_; then be my guest."

Hiro turned toward the door. He exited the apartment, but returned a moment later with the boxes of things they'd brought for him. He dumped the contents in Eiri's lap. "That's why your sister was here. She brought_back_ what she could of Shuichi."

Eiri pushed away the items pulling himself up by the couch. "No one can bring him back. He's gone…" the writer stumbled, "none of it matters." Eiri grunted as he fell again to the floor. He could feel the alcohol in his stomach, and knew his ulcer was worsening, but his physical pain diminished the pain of loneliness that replaced the part of his heart that Shuichi had occupied.

"_Yuki tell me why you kissed me before? You could have refused me, but you didn't! It might have been just a kiss for you, but not for me… Yes your sister said she'd help me with her husband… but I don't want her to do anything for my career! I didn't come here because of that! I came here for you; I just want to help you, ok!"_

'From the beginning I was incapable of accepting that someone… that _he_ cared for me more than anything else. I tried to push him away…'

"_I just want to be close to you! Yuki…"_

', but he… he always came back. He forced his way into my life, and opened long dormant emotions…'

"_Yuki doesn't express himself very well, and so he's easily misunderstood. Deep down he's really sweet, but he tries to hide it."_

'He claimed to know me better than anyone, but did I really know him? There were so many times that I hurt him; just because I couldn't handle the fact that he knew me.'

"_I'm sorry! I'll practice really hard, and I promise I'll get to where you like me—"_

'He tried to change for me because he didn't understand that I… that the person he was… I grew to care deeply for that Shuichi; for the Shuichi who got on my nerves; the Shuichi who babbled incessantly about everything; every aspect of him had leached its way into my heart…'

"_I've figured it out; I love you. No matter the person you are, no matter what is in your past; you are still Yuki. I don't want to be in the dark like before."_

'I knew that being with me hurt him; it was hard enough for me to agree to the marriage, but then he showed up, and told me he loved me. I knew that already, but I feared it, and I tried again to push him away; because my past would come back; and hurt us both…'

"_Yuki are you ok? Is everything alright? Did that dumb jerk say bad things to you; did he hurt you?"_

'He would do anything for me… he wanted to help me; to protect me from anything that might try to harm me. I couldn't accept that; not when I had already failed at protecting him…'

"_I don't want you to go away somewhere, but I hate it even more that I cause you so much suffering, so… I—I can't stop you if you're set on going, but—but I'll die if you leave me behind. I might be the cause of your stress, but it's not like you're going to die right? I really would drop down dead! I don't care if you cough up blood or get an ulcer—" _

'It was hard enough to accept his entrance into my life, but once I did… Now I must accept his exit; no his removal from my life. How can I _survive_ much less _live_ without him?' 

"I can't…" Eiri whispered resting his head on the wooden floor.

Hiro couldn't have known what was going on in Yuki's mind. To him it seamed that the writer really didn't care. His own memories of Shuichi flashed before his mind. He saw memories of his best friend—of his tears, of his depression, and of his wrecked state after the attack at the hands of Ask's vocalist. 

"_Say Hiro? Is it wrong to want to help the person you care about? Is it wrong to want to help them solve their problems… I made Yuki mad."_

'That was when he told me that he loved Yuki; after he had already made the guy mad at him. I told him then that Yuki seamed complicated… but I had no idea just how much—'

"_Hiro! What'll I do… Yuki said he Wha!... I haven't done anything! Wait, I was pestering him about that."_

'That night this bastard had kicked him out. If he hadn't been out then he wouldn't have been hurt…'

"_I really love Yuki; you believe me don't you? I don't want to make any trouble for him. Why does it have to end up like this? Is it because I'm a guy; we can't fall in love because we're famous? Oh, why is it wrong to be with the person I love?"_

'It wasn't his fault; I told him that. He couldn't help who he loves… I just wish Yuki would have showed it. Damn it I can't hate him; I have to help him…'

"_I'm going to give up on Yuki… That way I won't get depressed over Yuki anymore, and I will stay focused on my singing, and I won't get Yuki into any trouble. The reason he's always so cool and expressionless is because he doesn't want anyone to see his true self."_

'because no matter what Shuichi loved him; even if he told himself that he didn't for the sake of the writer and Bad Luck'

"_If I had thought about it before I would have figured it out before Yuki got this bad. I would have seen what a burden I have become to him, but I—I didn't notice it at all… but he's so quiet and nice that he might have just been humoring me."_

'Damn Shuichi I should have figured it out already that Yuki was this bad without you. Really, I did but now that I know I can't let him continue like this. I have to help him; for your sake.'

In anger at himself for not seeing it before Hiroshi Nakano pulled Eiri Yuki to his feet. He held the man up by the front of his shirt. "Oh, it matters. It matters because _he loved you_. That's why _I'm_ here. I'm here because Shuichi would kill me if I just sat by and let you do this to yourself. We're all trying to help you—"

"I don't need your help." Eiri jerked backward wrenching himself from Hiro's grasp. He over balanced and fell to the floor striking his head on the coffee table. After a moment of shocked immobility Hiro stepped over to the other man.

'Poor guy Fujisaki was right… we did both lose him.'

"Yuki..." he sighed finding the man was unresponsive, "what have you done to yourself."


	9. Seeking the Truth

Chapter 9 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

A/N from AH: While there are many questions in this chapter; there is one larger question lingering at the end. Keep your eyes open for the next chapter; it will be worth the wait.

(See Casseia's review for more information)

* * *

Eiri Yuki knew two things; 1 he was in the hospital again because he could hear that damn heart monitor at his side, and 2 his doctor and family were going to be even more annoying than usual because he'd done it again… he'd landed himself in the hospital.

With a groan Eiri opened his eyes. He saw two people seated in chairs beside his bed. First was Tatsuha who got up to stand over him. The second was Ayaka who stepped closer as well.

"Hey bro how are you feeling?" Tatsuha's hair was tousled, dark circles were under his eyes, but his cocky smile formed on his face as he looked down at his brother.

Eiri tried to swallow but his throat was dry. "I've been better Tatsuha," he rasped, "but at least… I'm better off than Shuichi…"

"I will go tell the others; you stay with him Tatsuha." Ayaka gave a slight bow to Eiri smiling as well. She turned in a swirl of brown hair and fabric, and stepped out of the room.

Tatsuha chuckled, "_'the others' _really means Hiroshi Nakano. I'll go get you some water Aniki… I'll be right back." He turned and left the room. 

Hiro passed him grabbing the door to go into the room. "Hey, Hiro…" Tatsuha stopped dead realizing something, "Hang on a sec, can I talk to you?"

The redhead smiled swinging the door open, "Sure, I just need to check on Yuki…"

Tatsuha grabbed his shoulder whispering, "He knew Shuichi left him…" Tatsuha glanced back into the room at his brother still lying on the bed.

"Huh, how could he?" The guitarist's gray eyes registered surprise, "That was two days ago?" Hiro dropped his voice also glancing over at Eiri.

'So, I've been here for two days' Eiri thought still staring up at the ceiling, He sighed not bothering to look at them. "Just because I was unconscious doesn't mean that I can't remember what happened to—to my lover." Eiri sat up looking away from the people in the room.

"You thought of Shuichi first didn't you Yuki-san?" asked Hiro looking at the writer's profile. Light slanted in from the window's blinds falling across Eiri's face.

"Yeah, too little too late as the cliché goes…" Eiri sighed heavily a defeated wariness entering his voice. 

"It was you we were all worried about. Your side took the most damage." Tatsuha ruffled his brother's hair.

"I thought I hit my head… humph" Eiri closed his eyes, "it doesn't really matter…"

"Seguchi-san said that by swerving you minimized the physical trauma; if your car had taken the impact head on you'd both be dead." Hiro tried to explain, and reassure Yuki at the same time.

"B_oth_? Yeah, that's what I tried to do two weeks ago." Eiri sighed hanging his head, "It has been two weeks since the accident; two weeks since I lost—my Shu-chan."

"That's not true Aniki! You saved both your lives." Tatsuha grinned expecting his brother to be happy, or at least less irritable.

Hiro came over to the other side of the bed. He squatted down, and looked up into the novelist's eyes. He spoke softly explaining as he does for Shuichi, "No, Yuki the car accident was 8 months ago."

'Two days? Two weeks? Eight months?' Eiri couldn't process all the conflicting information, "What you're telling me—is that I've been in a coma for 8 months?"

", and Shuichi hasn't left your side since, Yuki-san" Fujisaki entered the room with a slight smile on his face.

"Well, until Mika-san drug him home to get some rest." K laughed as he entered guns and all.

Eiri looked into the guitarist's eyes. Hiro nodded as if he understood the determined look that crossed Eiri's face. "I need to see him, Now." 

Hiro smiled and stood, "Alright Yuki-san let me go make sure it's ok with the nurses. He was readmitted to the hospital two days ago." He left the room quickly.

The door was not closed for more than a minute before a scream was accompanied by the door being flung open. "Ah! He's really awake!" Maiko ran into the room, and attempted to jump on the novelist.

"Hey!" K raised one of his handguns. "Stop carrying on in such an indecent, loud, and nonsensical manner."

"No, Maiko!" Fujisaki wrapped his arms around her waist to stop her. "Don't jump on him, please he just woke up."

"Oh, darn" she pouted crossing her arms over those of the keyboardist. Eiri raised an eyebrow at their closeness.

"Come on you lovebirds and let Mr. Yuki get some rest." K said holding the door open.

Suguru blushed, "Don't call us that!" he protested.

"Oh, just come on." Maiko said now pulling the green-haired young man from the room. She stopped turning to Eiri "and Yuki-samma" He looked up again, "we won't tell my brother; it will be a surprise for him." she winked as the door closed between them.

This left Eiri alone to resolve the conflicts in his mind. 'I have been in a coma… for 8 months. The last two weeks have been; a dream, a hallucination, a delusion—a nightmare'

"Shuichi—" The writer frowned, 'I've been told that he is dead. I've been told that he is alive. I've been told that swerving saved us both, and I've been told that doing so condemned him. He has sat beside me for 8 months while for two weeks I believed him to be gone forever.' Eiri leant back on his pillows sighing", but I have to see him; to know for sure." Reluctant though he was to leave what he perceived as reality; Eiri closed his eyes as exhaustion claimed him.

Eiri stood shakily on his own feet an hour later preparing to discover the truth. Hiro stood beside him in case he needed support. "Why was Shuichi admitted to the hospital?" Eiri asked pulling a robe over his hospital attire.

"For being a moron" Hiro laughed quietly, "he was trying to get some stuff out of the back of the hall closet, and the whole shelf fell on him."

"Idiot," Eiri sighed, "That's why I tell him to get me if he needs anything. I would have expected it to be because he neglected himself staying by my side," Eiri smirked, "Or something incredibly cliché like that."

"Oh he was, but your sister and brother-in-law would drag him to their place when he got too bad." Hiro put a hand on Eiri's shoulder to steady him as they started to leave the room. Eiri did not pull away this time; he knew he needed the other's support.

"What about Bad Luck? That crazy manager of yours…" Eiri smirked when Hiro shook his head.

"K… he said that Shuichi needed to write a new song. Shu said he wasn't leaving you." Hiro smiled, "So Shuichi would sit for hours toying with lyrics, and talking to you about what he was writing."

"Baka…" Eiri slightly smiled turning to Hiro, "go on."

"Alright," at the end of the hall the two waited beside the elevators, "In the beginning Shuichi just sat beside you. He hardly blinked for fear of missing seeing your eyes open. He talked to you, he sang to you, and he always was fussing over you…"

"You make him sound like my mother." Eiri lent against the wall of the elevator closing his eyes.

"Yeah, Suguru told Shuichi he was acting that way. Things didn't change after the first few weeks; he still refused to leave your side." The elevator doors opened and they exited together as Hiro continued to speak.

"We all had to force him to leave you for anything. Ask him to eat, and he'd get food from the cafeteria, or bring pocky or some other snack. Ask him to shower and his hair would still be dripping as he rushed back to your side. Ask him to sleep, and one of us would have to carry him over to the other bed when he passed out from exhaustion."

'That explains what I've been feeling… his touch on my face, the sound of his voice whether speaking or singing, and the scent of pocky, or his shampoo. That's how I knew he was there.' 

"Moron…" Eiri sighed shaking his head, but the corners of his lips curled slightly as he looked back at Hiroshi.

Hiro laughed, "I've said it before he's so devoted to you."

Eiri smirked, "Humph… he is, but some would call him obsessed." 

"Yeah," They stopped at a door, "Here we are Yuki. Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No, I'll go alone from here." Eiri straightened taking a few steps forward; he looked over his shoulder, "Thanks, Hiroshi."

"Your welcome, now get in there." 

Eiri turned pushing the door open. He stood for a moment to observe the scene. Shuichi lay in the hospital room. Mika was standing beside him, and she placed a baby in his arms. Shuichi smiled, and Eiri saw clearly the happiness in his violet eyes. The baby was cradled in his arms, and the blond in the doorway didn't know what to think.


	10. Return to Reality

Chapter 10 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

A/N from AH: This is our longest chapter yet. I wanted to stop here and thank all our regular reviewers as well as those who began reviewing last chapter. It is because of your feedback that Casseia and I became so caught up in this story, and were able to keep it going this long.

(For more info see Casseia's review)

Now, here are the answers you've been waiting for... but it isn't over yet. Enjoy!

* * *

Eiri Yuki swept into the room walking straight over to Shuichi, "What the hell's going on here, brat?"

Violet eyes widened in shock, "Yu—Yuki?" Mika crossed her arms and frowned at her brother, but said nothing.

"Explain." Eiri stepped closer standing over the boy on the bed. He lent slightly over him glaring down at Shuichi.

"Wha—Yuki?"

"The Brat you Idiot!"

"What! No, Yuki! The—the baby's Mika's!"

"Are you telling me that you, and my sister?!"

"Ah! Yuki no—"

"Eiri, please stop shouting; I do not want you to upset my daughter."

Eiri spun to face Tohma, "Your daughter?"

"Yes Eiri, our daughter; mine and Tohma's" Mika stood between Eiri and Tohma looking from one to the other.

"Would you like to see your niece?" asked Tohma with his characteristic smile in place. All those in the room could see the pride shining in his teal eyes.

Mika stepped over to the bed, "Here Shuichi-kun I'll take her so you can have a talk; _with my brother_." She lifted the child into her arms and smiled down at Shuichi before turning and glaring at Eiri.

Shuichi giggled, "You made an incorrect assumption Yuki."

"Shut up Baka." Eiri replied looking down at him with a smirk.

"Mika darling, shall we give Eiri and Shu-kun some time to themselves?"

"Good idea, come on Kira, your Uncle Shu needs to explain things to my idiot brother." Smiling sweetly at the baby in her arms Mika left the room; Tohma placed a hand at the small of her back as they exited.

Eiri pulled the chair over to Shu's bed. He lent forward looking down. He glanced up at Shuichi, "So…" After a pause he asked, "What were you thinking?"

"When Yuki?"

"When that shelf fell on you, Brat"

"Oh, I'm ok Yuki!" Shuichi smiled understanding that Yuki's coldness was a cover for his real concern.

"Shuichi… I—"

The door opened, "Mr. Uesugi you should be resting; you do not want to over exert yourself. We still have tests to run to ensure your physical condition." A nurse entered with a chart in hand.

"Its ok Yuki," Eiri turned to look back at Shuichi as he felt Shu's hand in his. "You can tell me later." Eiri stood leaning down to kiss Shu's forehead before leaving the room. "I love you too Yuki" Shu whispered leaning back on his pillows.

Three days later the doctor's were satisfied that Eiri was healthy enough to leave the hospital. The lead trauma doctor was cautioning him against over exertion. Eiri was nodding and only half listening.

Eiri stood looking out the window of his hospital room wearing one of his suits and a blue button-down shirt. He felt almost back to normal, and he really couldn't wait to get out of the room.

The door opened, "Good, you're still here," a doctor entered the room crossing her arms. "I've just been by to see Mr. Shindou, and I already told him what I'm about to tell you." Eiri's normal physician glared disapprovingly at him.

"What's that?" he asked looking over his shoulder in her general direction.

"You will do nothing to aggravate your condition." She stepped closer to him, "That means no nicotine, no caffeine, no alcohol," she stopped and a smirk formed on her face, "and… no sex."

The other doctor in the room looked shocked that she would speak that way to Eiri Yuki. Eiri on the other hand was unsurprised, "Hum… whatever."

"Eiri, are you ready to go?" Tohma stood leaning against the doorjamb. His hat and coat were in place as was his smile. Eiri merely nodded, and Tohma held the door open, "Alright, then let's go."

They met Shuichi in the lobby. In typical Shuichi fashion the young man jumped on Eiri as soon as he saw him. "Get off brat; remember what my doctor said."

"Oh," Shuichi stood back on his own two feet again looking apologetic, "I'm sorry Yuki. I was just so happy to see you."

Eiri placed a hand on his cheek, "No need to apologize Shu. I'm glad to see you too." 'More than you can imagine…' Eiri thought, "lets just go take care of the paperwork so we can get the hell out of here."

"Alright Yuki," Shu rested his head on Eiri's shoulder wrapping both arms around one of Eiri's. For once the older man didn't push the younger away.

"I will meet you two at the entrance; I have some things to attend to." Tohma smiled at the couple as he pulled out his cell phone and headed to the sliding doors at the main entrance to the building.

Eiri was filling out information, but paused when he came to the date. He looked up at the receptionist, "Excuse me, but what is the date?"

The woman glanced up with a tired smile, "Its December 1st Mr. Uesugi."

"Thank you,"

"Wow," Shuichi murmured, "That means that Kira will be 3 months in… 1… no 2 days."

"Oh, is that your daughter?" asked the woman; whether she meant adopted, by some other means, or that she thought Shuichi was a woman, the question surprised the two.

They looked at each other, "No," Eiri said, "she's our niece." Eiri handed over the necessary paperwork, and the woman nodded.

"Well, any addition to a family is a beautiful occasion that is worth celebrating."

"It is." Eiri agreed as he and Shu walked away from the desk. "What are you smiling about?"

Shuichi's eyes were wide and shining with happiness, "You said 'our niece'"

"So I did," the novelist smiled as he once again allowed his lover to attach himself to his side.

Tohma was on his cell when they reached him, "Yes, they're coming now. I will talk to you later dear."

"I hear that your brat will be three months old in a couple of days." Eiri stated the fact as the three of them got into Tohma's car. Eiri sat in the rear passenger's seat while Shu sat behind Tohma.

"Yes, the day after tomorrow in fact." Tohma smiled glancing at the couple in his rear-view-mirror. "Your closeness to Shuichi is quite cute Eiri."

The other did not respond. Shuichi moved to put space between them, but Eiri wrapped an arm around him. "Stay Shu," and Shuichi nestled his head into Eiri's neck welcoming the familiar closeness.

"Here we are," Tohma smiled turning to look at the couple seated behind him. "Welcome home Shu-kun and Eiri-san." When he received no response he opened his eyes from the Tohma-smile. "Oh? Shu-kun has he fallen asleep?"

"Yes," Shuichi disentangled himself from Eiri's arms. He knelt on the seat leaning across Eiri to turn his face toward him. "Yuki? Yuki, we're home." Gently Shuichi brushed strands of golden hair from his lover's face; he supported his head with the other hand. A warm hand encircled his wrist as eyelids fluttered open; Shuichi smiled, "Did you sleep well?"

"I feel much better, but to be honest waking up with you beside me… is the best part of it." Eiri opened the door, and a rush of cold air swept around them. Stepping out Eiri reached out for Shu's hand, "Lets go home Shu-chan."

"Yuki, you're being very nice today…" Shu took Eiri's hand.

The novelist pulled him close so he was looking directly down into his eyes, "Don't get the wrong idea," his breath plumed into the distance between them on the frigid air. Tension sparked between them as they stared into each other's eyes.

"Ahem, Eiri if such stares were physical activity you would be defying your doctors orders." Shu blushed crimson, and Eiri glared at his grinning brother-in-law. "Shall we go in to get out of this weather?"

Still glaring Eiri put an arm around Shu, and led him to the door of their complex. Tohma smiled again pressing send on his phone. "Yes, be ready they're coming up now. I will be there shortly." He followed the pair into the building.

Eiri opened the door, and froze having a distinct feeling of déjà vu. A couple bags of trash were placed near the door; the usually cluttered coffee-table had been straightened; the sound of hammering was coming from the hall closet as if someone was fixing the shelf, and the sound of laughter came from the kitchen.

"Well, you aren't just going to stand there in the doorway are you?" asked Tohma who had just walked up behind them. Shu walked in, and nearly slipped.

"Hey! Watch out Shuichi; Ryuichi just mopped that." An American looking woman emerged from the kitchen, "K! Stop that banging, and get out here!" she called in the direction of the closet. There was a thud, a curse, and K emerged hopping on one foot.

"Damn, Judy you didn't have to shout."

"Oh, I find it quite amusing to see you hopping around on one foot." Tohma said as he too entered.

Eiri followed looking around as other people emerged from various rooms in their apartment. Ayaka and Maiko came from the bed room with pillows in their arms. Hiro, Suguru, and Tatsuha poked their heads out of Eiri's office with paint rollers and brushes. Mika and Noriko emerged from the kitchen with the baby; Nori was drying a plate, and Mika was holding a sleeping infant in her arms. Ryu poked his head out of the bathroom with a bottle of cleanser in his hands.

"Why is everyone here?" asked Shuichi in a pleasantly surprised voice as he looked around at all the smiling faces.

"We're making everything all sparkly for Shuichi and Yuki" said Ryu grinning as he re-entered the bathroom for a moment before coming out again with a well-known stuffed rabbit in place of the cleaner in his hands.

"We're cleaning the house, and celebrating your return home." Ayaka explained smiling as she put the sham over the pillow she was holding.

"Hey, Aniki hope you like lime-green!" said Tatsuha.

Hiro hit the teen on his head, "Moron!"

"Don't worry Yuki-san we're painting your office a deep blue." Suguru glared at the whining Uesugi standing next to him.

"There's nothing wrong with a little spring-cleaning in the winter" said Noriko as she went to go put up the plate she'd been drying.

"What do you two want to eat?" asked Judy, "we were planning on getting takeout because of Mr. Yuki's… uh, dietary restrictions."

"Humph… whatever Shu wants" Eiri said walking over to the balcony, and standing at the window looking out.

"Oh," Shu hesitated thinking; then glanced over at Eiri looking worried. He turned back to Judy, "I guess we could have… something American?"

"Sure thing, do you have something in mind?" Judy asked.

"Not really you can pick. I'm going to go talk to Yuki."

"Alright! Everyone back to work!" K barked going back into the closet. This gave the couple a chance to talk in relative privacy. Shu walked over to stand beside Eiri at the window.

"Yuki, are you alright?"

"No, but I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, just give me a moment ok?" The question had come out harsher than he'd intended, and at a glance he knew it had upset Shuichi. The vocalist had started to back off with his head lowered when he felt Eiri's hand on his shoulder. "Shuichi, I'm sorry. Will you stay, please?"

"Yuki, what's wrong?" Shuichi directed the question to the floor; he still hadn't looked up at him. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"No, Shuichi" Eiri's voice was gruff, "you didn't. It's just… it feels like it's happening again, but you're here with me, and it's different this time…"

"What happened Yuki?" Shuichi brought his head up to look into Yuki's eyes.

"Its nothing… it was just a nightmare," and he wrapped his arms around Shuichi, "one I've finally woken up from."

"Hey guys, lunch is on its way; we're having pizza." Hiro said coming back into the room. He saw their close embrace, and smiled, "I'll just make sure Tatsuha and Ryuichi don't eat all of it." Hiro walked back into the kitchen so he wouldn't disturb them.


	11. The Closing Scene

Chapter 11 of _Awakening_

by: Amber Hermione and Casseia

Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.

**A/N From AH:** Thank you to all our reviewers we wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for your feedback and support. This is the final chapter of _Awakening_, but Casseia and I already have plans for a sequel which we leave you with at the end of this chapter. Our story ends with the final scene of Eiri's novel, and a welcome interruption from his Shu-chan.

Thank You Again,

_**Amber Hermione**_

**

* * *

The room was filled with the sounds of the machines that had been keeping his beloved Akari alive. Arashi sat in the chair that he had occupied for the last two weeks. The evening light was fading, but the hues of the setting sun suffused her sallow and blemished skin with a falsely healthy glow. Her face; which usually radiated happiness was tensed in pain.**

**Arashi Kuroishi could still remember the night of the accident. His jade eyes closed as first the fight, and then her exit flashed before his mind.**

"_**No, I've had enough!" her warmly expressive cinnamon eyes glinted in anger. Akari's long auburn hair brushed his cheek as she spun. "Goodbye." The coldness in her voice was matched only by the chill her absence left in the room. **_

_**He'd sat for hours after she left staring at his screen. They were both novelists, and it was always tough when they both had a deadline, but somehow this was different. She had only been trying to make sure he took care of himself, and he'd snapped at her far too many times for it. **_

_**At one in the morning he stood to leave their apartment to search for her. It was a beautiful summer night, and he mused that it was the kind of night in which they'd met. The moon was almost full, and the few stars that shown through the lights of the city added to the moon's brilliance. He noticed all this as he walked through the park near their home.**_

_**Arashi was the romance novelist, but it was Akari who held the delicate balance of their relationship together. She kept his demons away when he woke in the night, but had the tact not to ask him about the nightmares. When he neglected his health; going without sleep, food, or his medication—she was always there with an insistence that he eat and rest. When their editor or a relative called about an appointment he'd forgotten; she would make his apologies and remind him again when the appointment came around. She took better care of him than herself. **_

"**That was the real problem… What have I done for her? Is our relationship entirely one-sided?"**

_**He could hear the screech of tires, and the thud of the impact. He'd raced along the path, and lit by the headlights of the perpetrating vehicle, was his lover. She lay in a contorted position on the street, and blood was streaked across her face. He ran to her side. In the glaring contrast of the light on her features he could see she was barely awake, and badly broken.**_

"_**Aka-chan…" his voice was harsh as he tried to keep her conscious, but the pet name served to show his real fear and concern for her. She didn't respond verbally but she forced her eyes open. "That's it I'm here—"**_

**Arashi opened his eyes as a single tone interrupted the steadily repeating tone that had once filled the room. A single line registered on the monitor that should have held the waves marking each beat of her heart.**

**The room was suddenly filled with activity as doctors and nurses rushed into the room with their equipment. He was pushed aside so they had the space to work. He watched they begin to work on her; to save his muse… his angel… his protector… his friend and lover; known to the world as Akari Ikina the science fiction author.**

**Her body arched each time the charged paddles came in contact with her skin. The blend of voices was drowned in the single tone… the tone of a stilled heart—**

Eiri Yuki looked up from reading as he heard the door open. Shuichi poked his head in, "Yu—Oh?! You're working." Shu smiled, "I'll let you finish—"

"No, it's ok come on in Shu." Eiri removed his reading glasses gesturing to the seat next to him. Shu obliged, and settled into his usual place beside the author.

"It was a great party wasn't it Yuki?" Shu leant toward his lover resting his head on the writer's shoulder.

"Yeah, when it was over," Eiri teased looking back at his laptop screen. He reread his last line trying to make a decision.

"Yuki…" Shu sat up swatting the place where his head had once rested. "It was fun!

"Humph… if you can call watching my brother and Sakuma make themselves sick in a pizza eating contest; Then sure it was a blast." Eiri's blatant sarcasm increased, "and speaking of blasts—"

Shuichi giggled, "He said he didn't mean to do it… but Judy fixed him good. I'm just so happy Yuki…" Eiri saw the eyes he loved so much, even if he would never admit it, grow with the emotions fighting to escape, "You're here, and Mika and Tohma have their baby, and Hiro and Ayaka are getting married in the spring, and—"

Eiri began to block out the sound of his lover's voice. He was having trouble deciding on an ending to his chapter. 'It wasn't that bad today, and I'm in a good enough mood, why not let it be a happy ending?'

"—If they hadn't fixed up the apartment it would still be a mess."

"They did clean the place… just long enough to mess it up again. Between the "happy couples", Seguchi's new brat, the childish antics of my brother and his lover, and those crazy Americans with their guns; it's a wonder we still have a roof over our heads." Yuki resumed his typing again trying out a possible ending.

"Yu—oh you're hopeless…" Shuichi shook his head, "besides Kira is just as much Mika's as Tohma's, and they really aren't that bad… Tatsuha, well… he has no excuse, but at least he made it outside before he and Ryuichi vomited."

"You've grown close to my family during the last few months." Eiri paused as he looked back at his Shu-chan. "Well they do say that tragedy, and new births bring people together. You had both…"

"Yeah," Shu smiled, "well after the first month or so they realized I wasn't going to abandon you, and with your sister's condition I was one of Tohma's little informants." Shu giggled. "I made sure Mika didn't stress herself out while she was with you, which was a lot of the time, and when she was confined to bed rest…"

"What?" Eiri had resumed his typing, but now he turned to look at Shuichi. "What happened to Mika during the pregnancy?" 'Mother nearly lost Tatsuha six months into her pregnancy…'

Shuichi became very serious, "She almost lost Kira when we almost lost you at one point. After that the doctors refused to let her see you, and so I was her link to you. That's why she and Tohma took care of me after our niece was born." Shuichi yawned tiredly, and settled again on Eiri's shoulder.

"Go to bed Shu; I'll be there in a little while."

Shu opened his eyes looking back up at Yuki, "You promise?"

Eiri turned placing a chaste kiss on Shu's lips, "get some rest Shuichi; I'll come to bed soon."

"Alright," Shu got up to leave the room. He walked out, but poked his head back in a moment later, "I love you, Eiri."

Eiri put his glasses back on, but turned his gaze to his lover before looking back at the screen, "and I love you Shuichi." The sound of keys returned to the apartment as the door closed, and Shuichi headed off to bed. After about five more minutes Eiri saved his document, and got up leaving the document open. He left the room, closing the door behind him. Eiri entered the bedroom and after undressing he slid into bed beside Shuichi. The other snuggled closer, and Eiri just held him there as he fell asleep with Shuichi safely in his arms.

**Gasping for air Arashi opened his eyes. He was sweating and shaking. He looked around, and found his bed was empty. In the darkness of the room he put his head in his hands.**

"**It wasn't just a dream this time… sh—she's…" The raven haired novelist climbed shakily from the bed, and stumbled from the room. A hand was stretched out to steady his balance. Entering the kitchen for a beer, or something else to dull his pain; he came upon a familiar sight.**

**The track lights above the kitchen island where dimmed. A laptop sat atop the smooth marble surface. Beside this rested a cup of hot chocolate, and a hand was wrapped around the handle. His gaze followed the length of the arm, crossed the neckline of her favorite blue pajamas, and rested upon her face resting in the palm of her right hand.**

**She looked up and smiled, "Sorry Rashi, I had to look something up." The use of his nickname sparked something in him. Arashi crossed the kitchen, and stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her form. The woman lent back into the embrace allowing his chest to support her. No words needed to be spoken between them. It had been nothing more than a nightmare, and her soothing presence in his arms was awakening him again to reality.**

Prelude to _Glitter_

Thirteen Years Later

It was another late night, and another deadline was approaching. A summer storm was filling the night with sound, and a couple was curled on the couch in their apartment. Eiri glanced over at Shuichi who was chewing on a pencil as he contemplated the piece of paper in his hands.

"Hum…" the writer smiled faintly as he looked back down at his laptop screen, "are you having trouble with wording something?"

"Hum?" asked the vocalist of the top band in Japan as he looked up at his lover. "No, I was just thinking…" The couple looked at the door as a nock sounded. Shuichi put down his paper, but Eiri had already gotten to his feet.

The novelist opened the door to a lone figure standing before him. A gray hoodie jacket covered a red halter-top that was accompanied with black jeans; all of which were soaked. The young teenager stepped into the doorway, and her golden eyes were framed by the stringy clumps of her drenched blond hair.

"Oh Kira, What happened to you?" asked Shuichi stepping up to the girl who was eye-level with him while in heals.

"Come on in Little One" Eiri said closing the door behind her as she stepped fully into the room. "Now, which one of them did it this time?"

She crossed to the couch and plopped down between the computer and papers. "I'm not going back."

Eiri and Shu looked at each other before returning to the couch. Shu stacked his papers, while Eiri saved his document. Eiri took his place to the right of the teen draping Shuichi's green blanket, and an arm around her. Shu returned with a cup of hot chocolate, as it was her favorite, and placed it in her hands while sitting at her left.

"Now, what's this all about?" Eiri asked as Shu too put an arm around her.

The girl sipped her drink, and lent back in the arms of her uncles, "He completely humiliated me."


End file.
